piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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