took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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