i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
