I molested 6 butterflies tonight
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Randomize
