btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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