There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
