Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize