cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
