Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
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