so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
