i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
