if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
