just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Randomize
