I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
