Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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