We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
