I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
