yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
