ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
MIDGETS
????
this is an emotional support booty call
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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