I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
