I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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