Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
