at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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