On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
