She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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