before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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