my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
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