FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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