I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
