i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
