I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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