conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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