Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
