ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
