Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
please come you make the beer taste better
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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