can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
