Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
