I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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