Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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