There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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