So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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