Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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