wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
