how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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