Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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