I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
