your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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