I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
