Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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