me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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