I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
