I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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