If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
No subtext here. People are naked.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
