You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
