I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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