my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Randomize
