Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
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