Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Randomize
