If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
