I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
