Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
