The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
