Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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