I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
So squirting runs in the family.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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