So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
