I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
