Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
